WE LEFT THE TICKING TIME BOMB IN PLACE
Posted by Mike Foster:
A mistake we make when we hit rock bottom is that we fail to disclose ALL the relevant details. When we are caught, we only confess 80% of our crap instead of bringing everything into the light.
When we do this it is like leaving a ticking time bomb in place. We failed to clear our lives of future potential pain and destruction from our past.
We share 1 of the 2 affairs. We confess the drug addiction but forget to mention we embezzled company funds to pay for it. We hold back relevant details and fall short of true confession.
It is tragic to me when we waste this best opportunity to bring everything into the light. No strings attached. No ticking time bombs still left from our current life.
Full confession is critical, otherwise we set a path for “partial” restoration or even worse, another huge blow up in the future.
So why do you think when we are caught, we think it’s better to hold back some of the relevant details, and leave the ticking time bomb in place?
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Cuz we don't think people can handle more disappointment and we can't handle more shame.
it’s a great question Mike. I know when I went through the roughest patch of my life, it took me 2 days and 3 attempts before I finally had to force myself to let everything out.
I think we are just so scared of being fully known that it keeps us from thinking straight. If we don’t put our true and honest self out there, we feel like we’re protecting ourselves against the reactions we get.
Having lived through it, I understand how the truth sets you free, but it does seem like a lesson many of us need to live through to learn.
maybe we're just trying to get past the shame of being caught as fast as possible, so we're not willing to possibly prolong it by “complicating” the matter furtuer.
you're right though – not bringing it all to light gives what's left a lot of power. secrets suck.
Not sure what happened but i do hope I am not commenting twice. I think there are several reasons why we don't disclose all. 1) Fear of rejection and 2) feeling like we have just dumped a dump truck load and thinking that is enough. There just might be a fine line between self-preservation and concern for the other person. Space limits me from explaining myself further but I hope you can grasp what I mean. If I need to comment further just say so.
Good question Mike. I think we don’t tell all because of 1) fear and 2) thinking “man I have just unloaded a dump truck load of junk. How much more should I pile on? I think sometimes there is a fine line between saying, “I don’t want to hurt them anymore and revealing all about ourselves.” Both can be selfish and both can be harmful. I need more time and space to explain myself but hope you can understand what I am trying to say.
Sometimes it is because your sharing could reflect something about others and you are advised not to share. In my case, my pastor told me I wasn't allowed to share with others because my story and struggle to trust after experiencing abuse in a different church would reflect poorly on him. I feel secrets are very dangerous and believe I have nothing to hide. My struggles were not about him or his ability to lead, but my poor trust in and understanding of God. The Lord has now absolutely transformed my story but still I am cautioned about sharing because my story is not just about me but touches others lives also.
I feel some people don't come clean because they are ashamed or they feel like I only have to share so much. Look I have been caught is what they are thinking. So I will disclose only the info which is needed. It is a sense of staying in Control of their info. This is a way to also Control some of the potential more damage that could be done to themselves or others if more info was given out. If I only give so much detail I am hoping this will just blow over.
I also feel it is important to disclose all details. But I feel these details aren't always needed to be open to public forum. Part of your steps need to come clean with all info. But you need to be able to do this in a safe environment. Complete healing can't be done until the info is out. You need to share this with your counselor, Sponsor, Accountability, pastor or whoever you feel comfortable doing this to. But you need to be able to come clean to the people you have maybe hurt. God already knows what you have done but the healing come when you admit your wrongs. One of the * Recovery Principles is Openly examine and confess my faults to God, to myself and to another person whom I trust.
“Happy are the pure in heart.” Matthew 5:8 http://www.celebrate-recovery.org/8%20Principle...
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