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View Comments to “THE PERFECT TOTAL BS STORY”

Good point and I suspect you are not alone. Two things: I tire of hearing all the “feel good” stories and plastic answers told with plastic smiles. Tell me how you really feel. That is not negating a good story or how God has worked but I do want to hear about the struggle. Second, I try to be very careful of always having “feel good stories and yours should always end this way too if you are a real Christ-follower.” Be real not fake.

 Posted by: bill (cycleguy) // February 17th, 2010 at 2:08 am>

I worked with a Pastor who not only told the feel good stories but he was always the hero of every story. It lacked authenticy – like a smarmie used car salesman who knows nothing wrong with the care.

Funny thing is that the Bible is full of stories that do not end perfectly – one quick example would be that John the Baptist lost his head. Why do we think our stories need to end perfectly?

Thanks for the thoughts.

 Posted by: Jim F. // February 17th, 2010 at 6:04 am>

You know, this is so true. I've often wondered if I will ever get my “story” to the point that it's ready to tell. (HA!) If we wait for the perfect resolution the only ones to hear the final product will be in eternity with us…

One happy ending for us is that God's acceptance and love for us is not based upon our performance (failure or success) however the resortation that comes from God alone requires our repentance. I believe we all have stories upon stories to tell with this ending.

 Posted by: CindyGraves // February 17th, 2010 at 6:34 am>

Mike, I was thinking the same thing this past week. Part of it had to do with all the interviews Hayley and I were doing for our book Cupidity (yeah, name a book Cupidity and you get a deluge of interviews around Feb. 14th, who knew?)

A lot of the interviewers were surprised how many stupid mistakes we made that we actually shared in the book. It made me think, “wait, you mean we DIDN'T HAVE TO share any of that, let alone 50 stupid things we've done for love?”

And then I read the valentine's entry of a pastor friend of mine this past weekend. I saw the sermon outline he was going to cover and wondered aloud, “why isn't he going to talk about how he cheated on his wife with a congregation member at his last church years ago, married that woman and is standing there today to talk about real love, real regret, and messy ministry?” What a waste that most of his congregation doesn't know anything about that.

When we make a hollywood ending to the messy stories of our lives, we rob God and ourselves of the only real redeeming reason for having lived through them in the first place: to share them with others as a cautionary tale, to comfort some as we've already been there, and to offer a testimony for hope and radical grace undeserved.

 Posted by: michaeldimarco // February 17th, 2010 at 6:47 am>

Oh my. Word. Truth. Amen!

 Posted by: Faye // February 17th, 2010 at 7:17 am>

I have always wondered how such imperfect people (all of us are) have such perfect stories? Puffery anyone?

 Posted by: Benji Zimmerman // February 17th, 2010 at 7:19 am>

Thanks for that, I needed a reminder that things are messy and sometimes don't end up the way we think. Ive been fighting with myself to keep going even though things are tough. Its hard when there is no end in sight. I know that God is working in the situation even if I can't see it…my Faith is growing. At least that is what I am telling myself.

 Posted by: Andrea Tackett // February 17th, 2010 at 7:24 am>

No one's life is perfect, and there are a lot of pastors that are hiding some pretty awful sins because they feel (and in a lot of cases, quite rightly so) that their church boards will run them out of town on a rail or tar and feather them if they show anything approaching a less-than-perfect life, just like a lot of feel-good preaching that passes for Christianity these days.

But real life is messy. We all say and do things that we regret. Unfortunately, the only one that many people in the ministry feel like they can go to for help, or even a shoulder, is God, because no one in their so-called “leadership” in their church will do anything but trash-talk them behind their back and question their suitability to be in their position. THIS IS NOT CHRISTIANITY! Real, true Christianity is about “bearing each others burdens”, about helping each other out, especially when we're at our lowest point, not about kicking someone after they're down. ANYONE can fall into sin – the important thing is to repent and turn one's back on sin, and a lot of times, that takes help! Even someone to talk to, to confess to, to have have pray for you, can be critical. The times when we are in sin, trying to get out of sin, is when we need the body of Christ to surround us and give us a hug and say “we know where you are, we've been there, too, and we love you enough to do whatever it takes to get you out”. No condemnation, no judgement, no secret church board meetings to fire you or demote you or whatever, just good, solid love from the body of Christ, and that includes the leadership of the church!

I could tell you real-life stories of how pastors and ministers have approached other brothers in their church, seeking help for sin, or even contemplating sin, only to be fired and thrown out of their church. Even “I'm attracted to a woman in the church and I'm married – I know it's wrong, I need help to fight this” got one guy tossed from his pastorship and out of the church – then embarrassed in front of the whole congregation by the church “leadership” the next Sunday by detailing what was said in private. And we wonder why a lot of people call us judgmental and condemning and close-minded!

Jesus is about forgiveness, but he's also about repentance first – then, after forgiveness, he's about forgetting about it. Why can't we all be more like Jesus?

 Posted by: Ed Carp // February 17th, 2010 at 7:31 am>

first off i love the name of your book Cupidity! secondly great thoughts. thirdly, since you didnt post a link to your book i will

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1414324677/ref...

 Posted by: mike foster // February 17th, 2010 at 8:24 am>

i agree bill. i think authentic lives have good stories and bad stories. its all part of the journey.

 Posted by: mike foster // February 17th, 2010 at 8:25 am>

now thats kind of funny i should always make myself the hero of my stories too. dang why didnt i think of that

 Posted by: mike foster // February 17th, 2010 at 8:25 am>

tell your story cindy. many will be better for hearing it even without perfect resolution. when we hear it we will be able to relate.

 Posted by: mike foster // February 17th, 2010 at 8:26 am>

i know im totally guilty. trying to get it out of my story telling and conversations.

 Posted by: mike foster // February 17th, 2010 at 8:27 am>

hang in there andrea!

 Posted by: mike foster // February 17th, 2010 at 8:29 am>

Great thoughts, as I look back on some of the stupid stories Ive told with a bow on top, often making myself appear as the hero. A lot of us pastors suffer from a severe case of messiah-complex trying to coax people into doing things our way rather than wrestling through the tension of life and allowing God to show himself through the suffering and offering a faulty results-based vending machine Christianity. thanks for the reminder… I will take this 2×4 up side the head- it was necessary.

 Posted by: Joel Hedlund // February 17th, 2010 at 9:52 am>

I wonder how many times people only want to hear the really happy endings. It's too much work for many Christians to deal with people who can't wrap up their life story in a bright, pretty bow. I've had many people over the years who didn't want me to share my life story because there's no real happy ending at this point.

I'm in complete agreement with you…I just wonder how much of this we as a collective body bring upon ourselves.

 Posted by: Jason W // February 17th, 2010 at 10:11 am>

The writing process can be long and tedious. It's not a process that should be rushed. The same goes for the story of our lives being written. I confess that so many times of wanted my story to finished already and plop the cherry on top! Truth is, this life story is gonna take a while. I'm thinking a lifetime. Haha! It would probably be better to not think of it in terms of the story ending but instead think in terms of chapters. Some of have good endings, some not so good and some are cliff hangers. At least that's my life. I've got some good endings. Yup, some bad ones too. And a few cliff hangers that at times can be nail biting experiences. Thanks for POTSC! Such a reminder to comes as we are. No need to plop a cherry on top!

 Posted by: Brenda Renderos // February 17th, 2010 at 10:14 am>

This is really something to think about. My family's last 4 years have sucked! We lost a lot of STUFF. But in the middle of the suckiness, we did Not lose our family connection. And a year ago, we found an awesome church with probably the most authentic pastor that I've ever met. You know—the kind who punches the occasional hole in the wall and isn't too “good” to admit it. That church brought me back to the Lord along with my husband and two sons.

Now, fast forward to one year later(now). Things are happening in my life that I seriously have no control over. The owner of the house we live in has let it go into foreclosure and once again I'm scrambling to move my family. My husband is working in another state because Vegas has no construction jobs to speak of, so I'm doing it alone. But the difference is, that I'm not really alone. Four years ago when things were terrible, I questioned God, even blamed Him. Today I THANK Him! I thank Him for my husband's job and the ability to find a new place to live. I thank Him that my sons are growing up to love and trust Him and have great leaders to follow at our church who really care about them. I especially thank Him for the perspective that he is giving me through all of this MESS! It could really be SOOO much worse! I guess the thing that I take away from this is that yes we all have messes,and you can't always polish a turd, but if you let Him, God will lead you where you need to be in the middle of a really bad situation and find a way to make some good come of it. The good may not happen right away, and living in a society where instant gratification is just expected, it makes it hard to wait for your answers. But I believe that God's timing is perfect and worth the wait. Look how long it took you to get back on that boat, Mike!

 Posted by: Robin // February 17th, 2010 at 10:22 am>

right on joel…i love your thought on “wrestling through the tension.” thats what its all about..im right there with ya….i truly believe God is not predictable and thus not every story has a happy ending…and i think thats ok.

 Posted by: mike foster // February 17th, 2010 at 10:42 am>

i think an honest story is what people truly NEED but we sure love our happy ending stories. youre right that we as a community have probably brought a lot of this on ourselves. its kind of a catch 22 isnt it?

 Posted by: mike foster // February 17th, 2010 at 10:45 am>

hey brenda…are you a writer? thats totally cool if you are!

 Posted by: mike foster // February 17th, 2010 at 10:45 am>

thanks for sharing your story robin…love your perspective!

 Posted by: mike foster // February 17th, 2010 at 10:46 am>

My book club is reading mere 'christianity' by cs lewis and this week we talked about how we need to surrender to God. He says that we need God's help to do something which God, in His own nature, never does at all-to surrender, to suffer, to submit, to die. That is why Jesus came and became Man to show first that we need to surrender, but also how. My favorite quote (well one of them) from the book is this;
“He (man) had tried to set up on his own, to behave as if he belonged to himself. In other words, fallen man is not simply an imperfect creature who needs improvement: he is a rebel who must lay down his arms. Laying down your arms, surrendering, saying you are sorry, realizing that you have been on the wrong track and getting ready to start life over again from the ground floor-that is the only way out of our 'hole'.

 Posted by: Andrea Tackett // February 17th, 2010 at 11:17 am>

Social comments and analytics for this post…

This post was mentioned on Twitter by MikeFoster: we need to stop telling THE PERFECT TOTAL BS STORY. no one is buying it! http://bit.ly/8Yvg2B #potsc…

 Posted by: uberVU – social comments // February 17th, 2010 at 9:30 am>

Mike, I agree with you. I had pastors from an old church and the whole story in in my book! But when I needed someone God directed me to other people outside that camp per say! I knew what I needed and God sees your heart, and will vindicate you in the end if your the innocent one in the messed up situation that you may have been in. And Life is no bowls of cherries or ice-cream on top! We work out our salvation daily. Yes, it's a struggle at times, life, loss and “yes” sometimes death. No one should be an Island. Get someone as the Lords leads to give you guidance for real. Even Jesus had a few disciples to be around for love, support, and encouragement. Not that Jesus needed us but that we as a people need eachother and to get connected. Stop where you are and ask the Lord to give you wisdom. Remember, your pain that you go through is not in vain or just for you, but for you to pick-up your bootstraps and help someone else pass along the baton onthis journey called life. Order my book and go to http://www.antionettecampbell.com

 Posted by: Antionette Campbell // February 17th, 2010 at 1:54 pm>

Professional/Schooled writer? No. I am part of the ever growing family of bloggers though. I love to write (and read!) and find it very therapeutic. Slows the thinking, gives perspective and is a huge way the Lord speaks to me. Maybe one day…

 Posted by: Brenda Renderos // February 17th, 2010 at 3:04 pm>

I am so excited I don't have to write the Hollywood ending to my life in my second book. Because my life is a mess, but I think it's beautiful

 Posted by: Renee Johnson // February 17th, 2010 at 5:12 pm>

[...] [...]

 Posted by: can you handle MY uncertainty? « DKdanielkim.com // February 18th, 2010 at 1:19 pm>

For me, it isn't so much about stories with perfect endings, but about stories that lack candor, and authenticity. We need authentic community. I made a blog entry a week or so ago about the need for authentic community. And, you are right. It needs to start with the pulpit.

http://www.frommountaintops.com/2010/02/steppin...

 Posted by: Elizabeth // February 18th, 2010 at 5:58 pm>

[...] Blog post of the week: The Perfect Total BS Story from Mike Foster at People of the Second Chance. The best stories are not necessarily the ones that [...]

 Posted by: The Friday Five « Andy in Progress // February 19th, 2010 at 7:27 am>

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