“I’m not saying that your opinion doesn’t matter but maybe we should trust those who have the best view of the situation make the call.”

Wow…I was thinking about this very issue yesterday. With the internet and the ability of everyone to throw their views into the world, there seems to be this impression that your view is just as important as everyone else’s opinion. In reality, they’re not. I don’t know your daily walk with Christ the way, say, your wife knows it; thus my opinion of it is not on the same level as hers in regards to accuracy.

The world seems to want us to assume first, judge on those assumptions and then move to act on them. That usually does not lend itself to grace.

good stuff right there!

Wow that was really convicting. I’ve definitely been the know-it-all doubter before.

I kind of wish people didnt keep the business of restoration so secretive though. It’s hard to celebrate and learn from someone’s triumph when no one will talk about the failure or process of restoration.

Mike – did you see this post: http://holysoup.com/?p=224 ? Here’s a guy that was rockin’ it, faced temptation, wasn’t Jesus, and wham. Great question & insights. When is anybody ready to come back? 1 yr? 3 yrs? 10yrs? Unfortunately, there are serial abusers out there who have ruined things for people who have a single lack of judgement and truly are repentant. Thanks for your thoughts as usual!

Great post Mike. I think you come to this with a wise place to start. Having been through a situation where our pastor was caught in moral failure, I’m interested in your thoughts on when the spouse is covering for the person – or when the person continues to say “all the right things”. I suppose that’s really only known in hindsight, but interested in your thoughts nonetheless.

yes, yes, yes. What a great rule of life. Thanks!

I am a failed leader, in the middle of it right now. Letting others have any line of sight is really difficult. I moved so I could get out of the light of scrutiny, away from the know-it-alls, left my family and position. Now I’m in a heckuva a spot…
Great post Mike. Thanks for the clarity on my end as well.

I have commented on some of your past posts about this exact question… like how do you know? What are the “criteria” and are those fair? Have decided I’m not in a position to judge when folks are ready.

today when I was reading this something hit me… my husband was in line to be ordained by the VA diocese. His future was looking great (according to those who knew him best)… but the oversight committee on his ordination (who did not know him at all), kept putting roadblocks in his way to ordination. This was justified by others in the diocese as “normal” (I thought it was the equivalent of fraternity hazing)… My husband stepped away from the process, and has really struggled w/the church since then.

The sad thing, is that he is the most moral, full-of-integrity person I know… and yet he had this incredibly difficult time getting into ministry w/o having made any “big” mistakes (“or big sins”)… I can’t imagine how hard it is for folks who are considered “fallen”…

we shoot our wounded far too often.

Right on Mike!

I agree with what you’re saying with one caveat (from experience): the people with the best line of sight want (and sometimes need) so badly to believe in the leader again that their bias might skew them to believe the leader really is ready when he or she may not be. Whereas those who determine readiness often operate out of fear, the individuals with the best line of sight often operate out of desperate hope. I would recommend a neutral, unbiased 3rd party if possible…and lots of prayer.

Great post!

It’s a grace-oriented place to start, but it’s also a humility-oriented place to start. Leaders who are willing to say, “Hey, maybe I don’t know best right now,” are few and far between, and we need to nurture that within ourselves.

Thank you for a picture of grace Mike! This hits me straight in the heart because in my failure I have faced this; only in my case it is ““I don’t believe she is repentant. I have my doubts about her.” Those in contact with me know the pain I have walked through and how deeply the reality of my sin (which was basically lack of faith in God that lead me to doubt my leader…I was charged with being unsubmissive) has affected me. Those who removed me have not been willing to work to share with me or those who have any line of sight in my life. Nothing can compare to dealing with my sin, but living with unforgiveness when you have failed and want to make amends and be restored is devastating.

I absolutely agree with Mohan about the problem of secrecy. As a failed leader, at first I felt such shame I wanted to hide, but as I have come to understand the reality of my sin, my need for grace, and how desperately I need to be forgiven and saved I have come to understand that nothing could be worse than what I have already walked through. The more open we are about our failures, the more open we are to correction, growth, change, and transformation. I am learning that it is in our weakness that we have the opportunity to glorify God the most.

Solid, solid, solid! Thank you for this Mike. There is so much wisdom in this post. This goes for judgment as well. We want to judge and even criticize Christians who we have no personal relationship with. We would all do good to get this perspective and walk in humility remembering our own need for grace.

Grace in yo face!

im so sorry to hear that dmeysembourg…i hope this community can be a source of hope and encouragement for you right now.

jenny..im so sorry to hear that…unfortunately, what you described happens way too much…

it would kind of be hard to comment specifically on this situation(not knowing all the details) but i do think you raise some important issues…its definitely not an exact science but i like to lean on the wisdom of those who have the best view…sometimes its the spouse, sometimes it isnt…as far as “saying all the right things,” sometimes when im processing this stuff with people, im listening to what they are NOT saying probably more than what they are saying

cool post…im anxious to hear more of the interview…

The entire process needs to be looked at. We know that God restores leaders, IE: David and Moses. We know that believers fall into sin and God wants to restore them. Galatians 6:1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.

What is the process, and who is best suited to determine that? It has to be folks that know them the best. If the purpose of “fellowship” is to make friends in which we can confess our sins to, then we need to look at how this person had the space to fail in the first place.

What I can tell you as a once “failed leader,” is that everyone wants to be the sin police. What I needed was a real friend, not this pseudo-Sunday morning high-five stuff, but a real friend. It has taken 11 years to find restoration from Christians. What I needed was co-leaders that cared about me more than throwing me under the bus to distance themselves from me and my sin. In fact had they followed through on the mentoring they promised and did not deliver, things might have been different. God knows.

Thanks for a thoughtful post.