EVEN NICE LABELS LIE | People of the Second Chance

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By Tony J. Alicea:

“You’re such a nice guy.”

That’s a phrase I’ve heard all my life. To this day, I’ve been labeled as the nice guy. You would think that would be a compliment. Unfortunately that label may have done more damage than good.

”Nice guys finish last.”

That phrase terrified me through high school. Many times I didn’t have the courage to ask out a pretty girl because I was secured firmly in the friend zone. Nice guys always get stuck in the friend zone. Because nice guys are safe.

The “nice” moniker can also be synonymous with boring. Nice guys aren’t exciting. That is a stigma that haunted me all through my first marriage.

When my ex-wife told me that she was no longer happy with our marriage, I didn’t know how to react. She was bored and unfulfilled. Since I embraced my label as a nice guy, I didn’t even really know how to fight for my marriage. Nice guys don’t fight.

My whole persona was wrapped around expectations that people placed on me because of the word “nice.”

Nice guys don’t get angry.
Nice guys don’t get offended.
Nice guys don’t disappoint you.
Nice guys will put up with anything.

Peeling Off The Label

I got my second chance when I met my current wife. Not only did I get the opportunity to learn from the mistakes of my first marriage, but I also met a woman that wouldn’t allow me to accept the “nice” label.

She constantly assures me that she’s not afraid of the not-so-nice side of me. She’s not afraid of me getting upset. She’s not afraid of me disappointing her. She’s not afraid to fight if we need to.

Slowly but surely, I’m peeling off the “nice” label. People still call me nice, but now I know better. I know that I’m more than a label. Even when it’s said with good intentions. Even when it’s intended as a compliment.

I am not a nice person. I am a forgiven person. I am a loved person.

I don’t need a label to define me.

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Sdsims1972

Wow, as a “nice guy” myself, this hits straight in the soul. Thanks for these words!
http://faithchaser.wordpress.com Margaret

I couldn’t have said it better myself…and I’ve been trying.

My “nice” label (along with that of most other (heavy, fat, fluffy, etc.), women) goes something like…”You’ve got such a pretty face…” the remainder of the phrase left open.

Thanks for writing what I haven’t been able to get down on “paper” – virtual or otherwise.
Anonymous

I was the “nice girl”, the one that a friend of mine once told my mother, “she’s the kind of girl that guys marry, not date”. I carried that label, among many others, through years of my life. I’ve been slowly peeling away at those over the years. I’m right there with you friend.
http://twitter.com/jeremykwalker jeremykwalker

Tony,

Hey bro, as you know, I think you and I are two apples that fell from the same tree. As long as I can remember I have been known as the, “nice guy”. The frustrating part is that in the past I have accepted this label and lived in it…I always figured…”this is who I am…this is what I’ll always be…its not so bad being the nice guy”. Even more I found comfort in this label…if I wasn’t making someone else happy or trying to make things, “okay” then I felt totally out of sorts within myself. I agreed to most everything anyone wanted to do…I never spoke out against anything I thought might be wrong..I just kept it too myself as not to cause division or more importantly make myself uncomfortable.

In the last eight or nine months I have fought relentlessly to strip the “Nice Guy” label off myself…it’s difficult…like the scene in Spiderman 3 when he’s in the church trying to rip that black alien crud off his body and it keeps reattaching itself, kind of difficult. But I know it’s working…my confidence is up…I’ve been able to know more people because I’m willing to speak up…I’m willing to disagree…I’ve learned that in the right vein, people respect your views on things. They find less respect for those that just sit and don’t do anything…it leaves the impression that you don’t really care about anything…which is totally not true.

Anyway, awesome post man…I’m glad I’m not alone in proving to myself and others that this label is a self made label that can be destroyed!
http://restoryinglife.com joe at restoryinglife.com

Thanks for your words. As a fellow recovering “nice guy”, know that you’re not alone.
http://jonstolpe.wordpress.com Jon Stolpe

Ditto. Thanks, Tony, for posting this!
http://www.nosuperheroes.com Chris Lautsbaugh

Great post Tony!
I think you will enjoy my post “Grace When you are a Jerk To your Wife”http://ow.ly/8210K

All of us have not nice parts – there is no better person to know that than our wives. It makes us want to be better men.

Thanks for your honesty -enjoying your work – a fellow nice guy
Scott_caperton

Amen, brother. That was my label even during my divorce. .
http://twitter.com/Dale_Demsich Dale Demsich

This is an awesome post Tony. Thank you for sharing.
http://thehandwritten.com MichaelDPerkins

Peel that label off man. I am learning to do the same thing with my newest label…
http://twitter.com/nomadwayoflife Nowhere Man

Kudos on finding your inner bad boy.
http://traceepersiko.com Traceepersiko

So freeing when labels start to lose their weight. And so freeing to feel safe to not be the label. So glad T-dawg!
http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea

The heavier they are, the faster they drop!
http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea

Thanks so much, man. I had a feeling you would be able to relate to this one. It’s a label we’re both peeling off. I’m thankful for your friendship and someone who can relate in so many ways.

Dec 16

Peeling Off The Label