About a month ago my pastor shared a story about how he had removed someone that he had mentored from his Facebook friends because they had posted a status that he didn’t quite agree with (I think it were lyrics to a song of all things) but he removed him and then sent him a message saying that he could no longer be friends with him.

Ever since he shared this story, I can’t help but look at him differently. I think that for one the whole exchange was a tad bit immature but the thing that really bothered me was that if indeed he were mentoring that person and he was investing that person, he shouldn’t have cut him off like that. What kind of example is he setting by doing that? It’s something so little that speaks so much. Don’t abandon people because they make mistakes or do something that you don’t agree with. Love them no matter what because after all, you yourself aren’t perfect.

I was excommunicated from my church years ago. It was an incredibly painful experience. I needed counseling, not rejection. I’m so grateful that God Himself filled the gap that His people refused to.

I couldn’t agree more with this article. God has continued to use me for His glory – contrary to what my former church believed about me. It’s painful and so damaging to be flushed away – but thank God I am who He created me to be – worthwhile, precious, valuable and compassionate. Perhaps I have more compassion for others than I would have had if I had not be treated so painfully by my former church. God is so good.

We certainly need to be gracious toward those with whom we disagree.

I love this Adam! When I met my current pastor, one of the first questions I asked him is if he believed there was a back door out of any relationship. I don’t believe there is any situation where we are justified in turning our backs and walking away. There may be a need for boundaries, restrictions, or a time out to calm things, but the Gospel calls us to share with others, walk in grace, and forgive. We have been made unique and diverse from others. That is a beautiful thing to be celebrated. We are also works in process, and who we are today is not who we will be in the future.

Like Linda, I was excommunicated from a church. I was struggling with depression, frustration, and confusion after having been abused at another church. I wanted community, bible study, and prayer, but was told that the model of community they were developing was based on what I would term as “socializing” (eating a meal together and hanging out, but not sharing about Jesus, the cross, or our faith). After months of being in this church I fell into spiritual malnutrition, and was on the edge of an emotional breakdown, so I turned to a woman in the church for help. Because I carried different views on community, believed in confession and sharing struggles openly, and was struggling in my faith, the pastor declared I was unsubmissive, unteachable, and unsaved. He removed me from the church, instructing everyone to have no contact with me. I have tried to reconcile for more than a year and a half. They will not even communicate with me, but insist that I am still unrepentant. In many ways this has hurt more than the abuse I went through in the other church. I still live daily with painful ramifications of their actions toward me, because it has left me imprisoned with condemnation and unforgiveness, but through Christ I find grace, forgiveness, courage, and another chance. The situation hurts the unity of the Church and ministries in my town, and it grieves me incredibly. What is expressed to the world is that Christ is not enough, is not capable of resolving this, and that Christians are unloving and uncaring. I choose to communicate another message, one of hope, good news, and promise because I believe that unity, grace, love, and forgiveness are what characterize the People of the King.

For some church leaders, a post like this is like picking at a hang nail. They know there will be those who differ, and differing opinions with leadership are pretty much a sin in church culture. Pastors don’t take kindly to gentle reminders of grace. This is a great post, Andrew, and from both sides of the leadership place, I’ll be thinking on this one for a while.

Sorry… Adam!

It’s totally OK Pete. People mess up my name all the time.

More to your comment, let us be known for our ridiculous grace instead of our stupid arguments. (2 Timothy 2:14; http://mclink.us/hQbQNP)

[...] You can read the rest of the blog at: http://www.potsc.com/identity/stop-throwing-people-away/ [...]

This is a gut check post today…big time!

It is one that makes me examine what I have done in the past, and how I also have been treated (even very recently). And just because someone may cast me aside, does not mean I have to cast that person aside in return. That makes me no better than someone else.

Thank you for the gut check, wake-up call – and doing it in such a graceful, and truthful, manner.

“We need to bathe in grace. And we need to carry around an aura of grace in how we interact with the world.” LOVE IT!

Thanks for speaking truth, Adam! Love this!

Awesome!

In a similar way, I think we also need to treat nonbelievers differently. Usually whenever we befriend them and tell them about Jesus, if they reject our Gospel presentation or invitation to church, we throw them away, too. Then we look insensitive and misrepresent our Lord. That needs to change, too.

Great post, Adam!

Wise words, Brooklyn! I think there is a desire in so many of us to talk about Jesus like we are selling a car. We desire to “close the deal” because we genuinely care about the eternal destiny of people. At the same time we need to bear in mind that there is no deal. No one wants to feel the way they feel when they buy a car because, just like a salesperson, it’s a mixed message of genuinely helping as well as self-fulfillment. (Because we want to tell others, “I tried to lead that person to Jesus.) No one wants to be “sold” on Jesus. In a sad way it devalues them as a person.

Yes, let’s invest IN people. ALL people, not just the ones like us! Walking the “right” walk doesn’t make you a Christian!

Blessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God

You are so right! The other day I read the sentence “To not forgive is to let someone rent free space in your head.” That kind of utility thinking seems to prevail among many Christians today: “Forgiveness” as a means to dismiss a person out of one’s head. In that way forgiveness, meant to be an expression of grace and love and the entrance to reconciliation and acceptance, is perverted into just another way to “throw people away”. Instead of mending a relationship, it kills it.

WOW! This is really great!! Jud Wilhite’s church, Central Christian, does this all the time! They ban people from Central because they have a difference of opinion with one of their many, many pastors! They don’t care!!! There is no grace shown whatsoever at Central!!!

I need to add to my comment that because of how Central treated me, I no longer have any faith in God. He does not exist!!! I have given all of my christian books and materials away or totally threw them out.

Holly, I am sorry you are hurting so deeply. Your pain is very clear, and I know it can affect our communication. I don’t know what happened, but the way it has been walked out has obviously left a life changing impression. In my story, there were points where I could have run away and turned from what God wanted to teach me, but instead I let him show me things that needed to change. It was hard, but it has led to healing. Some of the ways I was treated were wrong, but I also made mistakes so there isn’t room to blame others any more than myself. In most cases of conflict, there are things that could have been done differently on both sides. We all have issues, and as people we fail each other at times. I will be praying for you, because I know there is a way out of the pain and to a place of healing, freedom, and hope. I pray that God woos your heart and draws you back to him, and that you will be surrounded by others who will stand firm with you to help you heal. I know the pain that can come from this and can only guess how much it has impacted your life, but there is more out there for you. If I can help, you can contact me through my blog at http://theoutlet.wordpress.com.