BEYOND HUMAN AID | People of the Second Chance

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By Joy Cannis:

Ever have one of those dreams that wakes you from sleep with a racing heart and rapid breathing, grasping in the darkness as if you are fighting something that isn’t there?

That is how I woke up one morning recently. Shaken. Maybe that’s one of the consequences of having a past like mine. Or maybe it’s one of the blessings.

For years I lived in bondage. Drugs, alcohol, sex, self-inflicted wounds, and even an eating disorder spanning 12 years. I believed all the lies. You will never be enough. You’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re stupid…and on and on and on…

Upon discharge from one of my many hospital stays, the psychiatrist assigned to my case had written in my chart, “This girl is narcissistic and beyond human aid.”

He was right. Battered and bruised in every way imaginable, I had yet to learn how to stop fighting everyone and everything.

Surrender is a difficult thing. It can be painful and raw. Reminders of the past creep up on you and attempt to steal your peace. Sometimes it’s all you can do to simply pray, over and over, “God, please direct my thinking.”

In my case, He did. He directed me to drag the lies and secrets of my past out into the open, where, with the help of patient, encouraging, and forgiving loved ones, I watched them dissolve. I learned how to forgive myself, and learned to live more in the solution and less in the problem. In place of lies, I learned truth — truth so deep it sometimes wakes me up shaken.

It’s from that truth I’d like to share. So here are several truths that I know about you, without knowing you.

You are a gift
No matter what you have been told in the past.

You have a purpose
God created you with specifics in mind.

You are not beyond forgiveness
Your past has brought you to the present but does not have to define you.

You are not alone in your journey
As hopeless as things may seem at times, someone else has felt the same way.

It will pass.
It is never too late to create. The future can be very bright. The choice is yours.

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Anonymous

I really needed to hear this today, thanks for sharing. I lived over 20 years of my life believing that I was somehow “broken” beyond repair, that there was something so inherently wrong with me that even God couldn’t fix it. Over the past 3 years, God has stepped in in some pretty miraculous ways to show me that’s not the case, but I’ll admit those old ways of thinking still creep into my mind from time to time. It’s good to know that I’m not alone, and it’s good to remember that God really knew what he was doing when he made me.
http://www.mohan37.com/ mohan37

Thank you for your honesty and insight, Joy!
http://twitter.com/LoveJoyC5 Joy Cannis

You are definitely not alone! I’ll admit, the process of sharing the demons of my past has been a slow one. I started this journey of seeking a God that I could understand…one who would meet me where I was, almost 10 years ago. Be careful who you listen to Darlin’. I cannot stress that enough. Surround yourself with truth, even if that means looking at yourself in the mirror and speaking truth into your own heart. Run as fast and as far as you can from the liars. I cried through the entire first year of sobriety. I didn’t know how to do anything sober. Nothing! Sometimes it’s when we feel that we are “broken” beyond repair that God sees us as someone He can work with. You are greatly loved…sacred…treasured…a one of a kind masterpiece. There are many days when I repeatedly say, “God, please direct my thinking.” I recognize the lies now and immediately combat them with truth. You were born with great purpose. What has happened to you thus far is grooming you for greatness. Lean in to the Father and all of Heaven will be behind you. Picture it. It’s a beautiful visual. Love and Light.
http://twitter.com/LoveJoyC5 Joy Cannis

Mo, thank you for giving me a voice. Thank you for giving a voice to so many.
You make my heart happy!
http://twitter.com/LoveJoyC5 Joy Cannis

Mo, thank you for giving me a voice. Thank you for giving a voice to so many.
You make my heart happy!
http://twitter.com/MikeFoster Mike Foster

love this post Joy! thanks so much for sharing this.
http://twitter.com/LoveJoyC5 Joy Cannis

Thank you, Mike! I am so blessed by what you all are doing.
April

wow. truth so deep it sometimes wakes me up shaken. love that.
http://twitter.com/LoveJoyC5 Joy Cannis

Thank you for taking the time to comment, April! I love knowing that something strikes a cord in others.
http://www.facebook.com/nicci1969 Nicole Cobb Gonzalez

I love the raw honesty this site provides. Thanks for all your doing.
http://karenhammons.org/ Karen Hammons

Me too!! It’s SO refreshing isn’t it?!

Jan 30