FACING A HUSBAND’S CHOICE | People of the Second Chance

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By Karen Hammons:

Not smart enough.
Not skinny enough.
Not rich enough.
Just not enough.
Labels and categories I’ve lived through.
Yet in October 2008 I was faced with a new label to process.
One I didn’t want because it just hurt way too much.

Wife of an accused sex offender.
According to the legal system the life of my husband and my entire family is still pending. We have basically been on hold with elevator music playing for three years.

I am one who is a shade of gray in a conversation that others want to keep black and white.
I’m not the victim.
I’m not the offender.
I’m one who loves and sees value in both human beings. I choose to look at them without the mask of their label. I choose to see the heart and soul God created for a spectacular purpose that supersedes this ugliness that comes from hell itself.

In a society where the victim mindset is seen as a healthy way to live and where men who have violated are to be castrated and never seen again, I choose to be different.

I choose to see the hope of healing and restoration for both. It can be lonely because many in my same position choose to hide and give up on that hope. The way society treats the wives of offenders and their children is the same as the offender. They are wounded women and children consumed by a society who only see black and white in this. There is no desire to face the gray side of things.

That’s why I choose to use my voice and be loud.

Loud about audacious grace, unyielding mercy, tenacious hope, and glorious redemption.

I have seen and experienced its reality of being available for ALL who are affected.

Society would like me silent thinking my voice will hurt the other side. Yet in reality my silence will cause more damage. As it will make others believe that the God who created all the exquisite things we see, feel, hear, and touch is unable to handle this one thing. That it’s just beyond His abilities to bring any good from it.

During this time I have asked God to break my heart for what breaks His.
My heart breaks and is sick for the ones who have been violated.
My heart breaks for the ones whose addictions and hurts led them to inflict pain.
And my heart breaks for the woman and her children that have to face what their husband and Daddy have done in secret.

That’s what breaks His heart. And He wants to heal ALL so they can move forward in a full life sharing hope, radical grace, and love in action beyond the labels.

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http://twitter.com/AshleyASmith ash

Karen, you are beautiful. Your capacity of grace amazes me- thank you for being a beacon of light in those gray areas.
http://designedbycreativity.com Larry Kozlof

This is very well pieced together, as though I am able to see the piercing in your heart, the breaking of your spirit in the moments God declared his love for all involved. Karen your words are powerful and honest, I love the imagery of pain and peace all at once.
I long for the day we look past the labels that people have tossed around and departmentalize everyone into, as though they are ones who have never failed in life. �
Grace can be difficult but you have captured the need for it and the outcry of God’s heart for his people. Thank you.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmv Matthew Miller

This is amazing! I can honestly say Karen that you are extending grace farther than I can at this time. I am so glad you shared your story and your thoughts, it really helps me.
Laci

Thank you for being so amazingly brave for those that cannot. I am continuously awed by you. incredible faith.
Mrsfraire

You bless me. Unyielding Mercy- I pray I too can live each moment with this in the lead.
http://twitter.com/justinsalters Justin Salters

I love this, “I have asked God to break my heart for what breaks His.”

Karen, you a model gracist. Thank you so much for sharing, for your strength, and for your commitment to overthrowing judgement. You rock.
http://www.mohan37.com/ mohan37

thanks for putting yourself out there, Karen. We all benefit from your bravery.
Justtalktohim

I am speechless…God bless you Karen. You truly have the heart of our Father, Love.
McCall

Karen, you are such a strong woman God. His reflection shines brightly from you. Thank you for having the courage and grace to share your story with a loud voice; God will use it to bless countless others.
McCall

Karen, you are such a strong woman God. His reflection shines brightly from you. Thank you for having the courage and grace to share your story with a loud voice; God will use it to bless countless others.
http://www.eileenknowles.blogspot.com Eileen

“I have asked God to break my heart for what breaks His.” I don’t think there is a more beautiful prayer than one where we ask God to make our hearts and our perspectives more like His. It’s a powerful, life changing prayer. Thanks for sharing your story.
http://mikelehr.wordpress.com/ Mike Lehr

Karen…you. are. POTSC! You live and breathe POTSC and I am constantly amazed by your love and grace. Awesome to see you share your story and how God is changing you and others in the process.
http://twitter.com/jacktx42 jacktx42

Amen!

All we see are monsters and not the people inside. If Jesus did not come for the worst of these, then for whom did He need to come? Life can be messy and complicated; grace allows us to live beyond the culmination of our mistakes and failures.

Thank you for sharing.
http://twitter.com/AshleyASmith ash

yes, I benefit from your bravery daily. I am honored to know you, Karen.
Aninmateswife

Thank you for being a voice.
http://OurFaithTV.com Chris Tian

God’s grace heals all… Grace is something that is absolutely beyond our full human understanding yet not beyond our reach to simply try. Christ’s life purpose was to show us the way; His way. He never said it would be easy. He never said it would be simple. He simply said, “follow Me.”

In all my imperfections, pain, and memories as a victim, I hold out my hand to all involved: to the victim, to you, to your children, and especially to your husband. I bless all of you, in the name of Christ Jesus with peace that surpasses human understanding and with all the Grace of heaven. I bless all involved with healing and the realization that God is good and that is good enough.
http://twitter.com/MikeFoster Mike Foster

amazing post from an amazing woman! you have incredible strength karen and you are so completely POTSC!
Anonymous

Karen,
The best any of us can do is to ask God to “break our hearts for what breaks His.” By putting yourself in that position, you are opening yourself up for healing (your own and the others involved). You are handling this situation with God’s grace and I pray that He continue to hold you in the palm of His hand and that the sweet balm of His spirit pour over your wounds. You are a blessing to many!
Blessings,
~Erin
Margaret

I second everything I have just read in the comments. You are beautiful…inside and out. You are a blessing to the world around you. You are an amazing example of what it means to be POTSC. I do not think think I could be as gracious with God’s grace.

Thank you for setting an example! PROUD to be POTSC with you!!
Coenraad Fick

Karen, this shows how strong you are and how much you have given of yourself for God. Focused on yourself, these words would not have been possible, but through the power of God, you are able to look at this from His perspective. I love how you are able to show grace and forgiveness, when no one would judge you for not doing it, except God. Keep on being the light that you are, shining brightly from your hilltop, and please, keep on encouraging all of us in the way that you already do.
http://twitter.com/piccolina_tracy Tracy

This is beautiful. With God, everything is possible. He gives us the strength we need to go through this life. God continue blessing you
David Joyson

This is an insightful article. I feel for the victim(s) of the sex abuse but I also realize that we forget that the family of the sex abuser are innocent victims too. I hope soon the victim(s), your children, and you will find complete healing.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jackie-Beauchene/100002400282096 Jackie Beauchene

This is awesome! I appreciate you sharing your heart here. Thanks so much.
Katie Brown

You are one strong lady! The world needs more families like yours.
http://twitter.com/desirae_dawn Desirae Schneider

Karen you are amazing… you are loved… and you are inspiring.

Oct 1