CUDDLE CLUBS AND TOUCHING EACH OTHER | People of the Second Chance

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Posted by Mike Foster:

I remember several years ago speaking at a church in Nashville. After I was done with my talk a guy in his mid-twenties came up to me and just floored me with this question.

With desperation in his voice he asked, “Do you know if this church has a cuddle club ministry?”

Somewhat confused I responded with, “What is a cuddle club ministry?”

He explained to me that he was looking for a group that ministered through touch. He shared that it was completely non-sexual. It is just about holding each other, hugging each other and giving the gift of human contact.

As he described what he was looking for from this ministry, an overwhelming sense of sadness flooded my heart.

Even though his request seemed a bit odd to me at first, I knew exactly what he was talking about.

You see we live in a world that is starving to be touched.

Researchers have shown it is one of our most significant core needs. You’ve probably heard the studies that show when baby monkeys are denied physical contact they die even though they had enough food and water.

In our culture, physical contact is seen as dangerous. We as a culture frown upon it.

Afraid of workplace lawsuits. Fear of getting H1N1 from shaking hands with people. Hand sanitizers. Sexual harassment seminars. Pedophiles in the headlines. Highly sexualized culture. Our obsession with digital contact.

It seems these days putting your arm around someone, a pat on the back or a big hug have suddenly become…lethal.

Sadly, we all have gotten the message loud and clear….HANDS OFF!

I remember a conversation I had with Wess Stafford who is the CEO of Compassion International. We were on a trip together and he shared with me how he thought it was a massive tragedy how we are afraid to hug children. He passionately believes it is one of the greatest gifts we can give kids. Wess is a hugger and not afraid, ashamed or threatened to pour out affection on the young and the old. It was inspiring to watch and the positive impact that it had on people was thrilling.

Your gut reaction might be to dismiss this simple concept of giving more human contact to each other. Some of you already have a long list of objections to why this is a horrible idea. Some of you have stories where you’ve been legitimately victimized in this area.

For you leaders, I’m sure your business lawyer will probably frown upon you putting your arm around your employees and telling them you appreciate them. You might be saying, “Mike, I’m not the touchy-feely type.” You can list for me a bunch a reasons why you won’t even try to do this more.

All of these are reasons I’m sure are valid.

But the fact is we are tragically lonely. The majority of folks you engage with today will have ZERO human physical contact. Too many people feel unloved and unwanted. The need of that guy I met in that Nashville church looking for a cuddle club is unfortunately not that unique.

The human touch is powerful, healing and life giving. We can play it safe or we can step out of our comfort zones and offer the simple gift of human contact.

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http://rawfaithrealworld.wordpress.com/ RawFaith

When I worked at a church there were several older ladies who looked for me every week because they knew that I would always hug them. They needed that human contact. I am not a hugger by nature or touchy feely but I see the value in it and see my own need for that too. I made it a point a long time ago to not let the fear of legal retaliation stop me, even though it is a very real possibility in today’s world. I’m with Wess on that one. I’ve seen firsthand the healing that comes when we simply touch each otheer and acknowledge our common need for love. Great post.
http://www.roccocapra.com/ Rocco

I’m in tears. I so needed to hear this!

As a child, my family never showed affection through touch (Actually, they never showed affection.)

As a dad, oh God, how I struggle with this!!!
http://twitter.com/koalainscotland Laura Anne

I come from a family who hugs, and a group of friends who hug and a church who hug.

One of the saddest part of my sundays now is the reservedness in my ‘new’ church – not much hugging there.

However, your post so took me back to South Africa where the kids would climb all over us, and I remember flinching. Why? Because years of youth work, children’s work and so on in the UK has got me trained in CHILD PROTECTION – where I’m not supposed to hug (unless a child hugs me) and I’m so wary of it in case someone makes a complaint. How sad that I would panic when a child climbs onto my lap, or wants to fall asleep in my arms, or use my legs like a koala hugs the branches of a eucalyptus tree (sure does make trying to walk interesting!)
http://www.mohan37.com/ mohan37

Wow…kind of speechless. I remember in high school there was lots of hugging between students. Now it’s apparently banned. Can’t imagine HS w/o getting hugs on bad days.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Torri-Liano/1018608810 Torri Liano

I am a sexual abuse survivor, and i have been a children’s ministry leader ( AWANA to be exact) I know there is good touching a bad touching. There is healing in touch. A touch, a hug, a pat on the back can say sooo much more sometimes than words. Our children today are missing out on this blessing because all too often parents are working and busy and sometimes touch is not a priority. If spouses rely on touch for intimacy and health in their marriages why shouldn’t the same be said for a relationship with a child ( relationship as in building trust etc) When i taught my kids there were those who wanted to be in my lap or the lap of another leader, or to snuggle into them while the story was being read… then there were those who were fine with a pat on the head. Some nights to get the wiggles out I’d have a “dogpile” the kids would pin me on my stomach and pile on laughing and giggling. Did i worry about a lawsuit? no. I moved churches and was told that children were not to be hugged or be on leaders laps, even if it was my own child, because of the ” appearance of evil” I was taken aback, REALLY? the appearance of evil…. here’s my response to that… the appearance of evil in is the eye and mind of the one viewing. I had a pastor actually tell a father he shouldn’t bathe his 2 year old daughter that it was improper for this father to even change the diaper, or allow the child to sleep in bed with the parents all because it could be construed as evil , or temptation could enter. REALLY??? I guess all males are pedophiles and incestuous leches without self control of the baser instincts… gimme a break. Anyway…. I’ll never stop hugging a child, i’ll never stop comforting a child or a teen or an adult because touch heals. If Jesus can heal by touching…. why can’t we?
http://twitter.com/MikeFoster mike foster

thank you torri for sharing that…very very powerful!
http://twitter.com/MikeFoster mike foster

its so sad when fear drives us away from showing love…especially to those who want it and need it…
http://twitter.com/MikeFoster mike foster

right on!
http://twitter.com/MikeFoster mike foster

youre not alone in this Rocco…so often these patterns are modeled for us whether through our family or in the news or from friends or bosses and we simply follow that example…

i know i hug my kids when they dont want me to and even when i dont want to…buts it great for both of us
http://theoutlet.wordpress.com/ Sherie

Touch is critical to me. It is probably the key thing that communicates care and compassion. Without it, I fell into depression and away from God. Touch is part of what brought me back and helped me find hope. I volunteer in the emergency room and always try to find a way to touch an arm, a shoulder, a leg…..I have yet to have anyone express discomfort when I do that. We want to be loved and touched, especially when we are hurting. It is grace in action.
Laureeashcom

i have been a widow for 11 years. i would love to be the “hugg-ee” instead of the “hugg-er” sometime… what a whiner
http://www.jimdonaldellis.blogspot.com/ jime

this reminded me of the guys who started the “Free Hugs” sign. Would stand in random places and anyone who wanted a hug would get one. Also reminded me of mother theresa who would touch those she came in contact with.
Thegreenroom5757

I’m a hugger. I love to get and give hugs. It’s a way of connecting with people and letting them know they are loved and accepted for who they are right then and there.
dsds

Check out my blog and help me accomplish my goals. I post about my story as it happens, no BS or anything just pure info and I post about the real world and concepts I make up.
Anita Soler

It is obvious that our children and teens are starving for physical affection. They are not getting any physical touch in the home so they are providing it to each other, with STDs and unwanted pregnancies being the sad by-products. Hug & kiss your kids, folks, or they’ll find someone who will.

Nov 11