- Mike is going to be speaking at Mariner’s Church, Mission Viejo this weekend, February 4-5.  If you’re in the OC, come say hi!

- Mike is also speaking at Angelus Temple in Los Angeles, next Thursday February 9 at 7pm.  This is Matthew Barnett’s amazing church, and he is doing everything he can to help up all live out special chances.

- We have exclusive POTSC pricing for Catalyst West! Register by Thursday, February 16th for $199 (regularly $319), using the rate code “POTSC.”

Let me start this post by saying one thing: Grudges & Grace don’t mix.

I don’t usually start off a post by giving away my main point, but I want this point to resonate in you as you continue to read.

True grace is not regretted. True grace is not pitied. True grace is not grudged.

Grudges are the shield by which Grace is kept from penetrating. And until that shield can be dropped, true grace can never be given.

STOP:

I know what you’re thinking.

1. “But you don’t realize what they did to me.”
2. “You don’t understand how much they hurt me.”

And to be honest, you’re probably right. But that’s the point of Grace. It’s not earned, but everyone deserves a second chance anyway. Why? Because at one point, it was given to you.

All throughout our lives we will encounter people who will chew us up and spit us out, but that doesn’t mean you get a free ticket to Grudgeville. Grudgeville is the place where leaders fall, families decay, relationships shatter and the population is “Your Choice.” So until you can make peace with your attacker, you’ll always be living as a defender. And to be honest, you don’t want to live a life in defense.

Every grudge dropped is grace given. And that is our mission. That is our calling.

Grudges and Grace don’t mix.

We are People of The Second Chance.

Grace needs to be the air we breathe, and the atmosphere we live in. – Allen Snapp

Ever have one of those dreams that wakes you from sleep with a racing heart and rapid breathing, grasping in the darkness as if you are fighting something that isn’t there?

That is how I woke up one morning recently. Shaken.  Maybe that’s one of the consequences of having a past like mine. Or maybe it’s one of the blessings.

For years I lived in bondage.  Drugs, alcohol, sex, self-inflicted wounds, and even an eating disorder spanning 12 years.  I believed all the lies. You will never be enough. You’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re stupid…and on and on and on…

Upon discharge from one of my many hospital stays, the psychiatrist assigned to my case had written in my chart, “This girl is narcissistic and beyond human aid.”

He was right. Battered and bruised in every way imaginable, I had yet to learn how to stop fighting everyone and everything.

Surrender is a difficult thing. It can be painful and raw. Reminders of the past creep up on you and attempt to steal your peace. Sometimes it’s all you can do to simply pray, over and over, “God, please direct my thinking.”

In my case, He did.  He directed me to drag the lies and secrets of my past out into the open, where, with the help of patient, encouraging, and forgiving loved ones, I watched them dissolve. I learned how to forgive myself, and learned to live more in the solution and less in the problem. In place of lies, I learned truth — truth so deep it sometimes wakes me up shaken.

It’s from that truth I’d like to share.  So here are several truths that I know about you, without knowing you.

You are a gift
No matter what you have been told in the past.

You have a purpose
God created you with specifics in mind.

You are not beyond forgiveness
Your past has brought you to the present but does not have to define you.

You are not alone in your journey
As hopeless as things may seem at times, someone else has felt the same way.

It will pass.
It is never too late to create. The future can be very bright. The choice is yours.

I don’t tell people this.  I know the looks, the judgements, the ideas people have of ‘that’ kind of woman.  I’ve listened as people have said time and time again:

“I’m so surprised you’d let someone…..”

I am a woman who has been in an abusive relationship.  And not just one, but three.  Though the time I stayed in the latter was much much less than the first.

The label?  Victim.

It was shocking to most people who knew then.  I’m still usually met with shock when people learn of it now.

I come from a solid, close, middle-class family.  There aren’t any cycles or patterns in my history that were being repeated.  Nothing in my background, my life outside these relationships, would lead someone to suspect these were the relationships I’d choose.  I’ve had success in my career.  I’ve accomplished things.

So maybe you can understand when i say I am not a victim.  To call myself victim is to let all those other labels those men used to convince me I had no better option than to stay with them true.  Helpless.  Hopeless.  Stupid.  Pushover. Useless.  Unlovable.  Undesirable.  Ugly.  The list goes on.

To call myself victim is to say that I have no choice, that I have no power.  (There was a time when I believed that with every fiber in me.)  I am not a victim.  Or even a former victim.  I have choices.  I had choices then, too — I just didn’t know it.

I’m not a survivor either.  To label myself as a survivor still identifies me as who I was then, and as the woman those men would have me be.  To call myself a survivor gives too much power to my past, bringing it with me into today.

In those relationships, I had no idea who I was. I had no deep sense of my own identity.  I let others define me, identify me, and label me.   After, I was filled with guilt and shame, filled with anger towards myself for allowing myself to be in those places to begin with.  I was full of fear, wondering if this was all there was for me.  I was lost.

But it wasn’t all there was for me.  There was so much more.   As I started taking small steps, reaching out for help, doing the next best thing I could do … I met grace.  More was done for me than I could have done for myself.  More than I would have even begun to ask for or imagine possible.  I discovered generosity, joy, peace, and love.  I was found.

Today, I know who I am.  I found my identity and only One labels me.  Today, I have strength and dignity.  I smile at today, and at the future.

I am renewed.  I am restored.  I am whole.
I am loved.  I am changed.  I am new.  I am free.

I am People of the Second Chance.

Posted by Mike Foster:

We are excited about a new partnership with Mariners Church, Irvine.

This past weekend Mariners rolled out a new ministry of their church called People of the Second Chance. The focus is on those in need of care and recovery.

Led by our great friend LV Hanson, every Thursday night from 7-9pm, individuals from all over Orange County will find hope and healing for their hurts.

I love the global/online movement of People of the Second Chance and the impact it is having literally all over the world. But I also believe very strongly in the local and face-to-face expression of our values. That’s what I love about this partnership and why we passionately support what Mariners is doing. Honestly, I hope to do more of this around the nation, share best practices/learnings and create a huge open door for people to experience radical healing with each other.

So whether you’ve experienced personal failure, crisis, abuse, addiction, loss, or pain—or you are simply searching for hope and the next right step towards healing, Thursday nights at Mariners is the place for you.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION.

WATCH LV SHARE THE VISION HERE.

Every one of us has a story to tell.  It’s taken a lifetime to write, and has more characters, plot lines, and twists than any other book written.  Our stories are complex, and when someone asks us to tell it, we often don’t even know where to start.

So why is it that, when we see someone with a certain style of dress, or a certain type of car, or a certain address, we think we can sum their story up into one tidy statement?

He’s poor.  She’s trashy.  They’re so ghetto.

We’ve all thought it, and we’ve probably even said it before.  But we also know better.

You looked at a proof of this image last week and saw labels like “poor,” “not good enough,” and “trashy.”  We heard your hearts on this one, and hope you’ll join us in rejecting these hurtful labels.

This is the last image in this Labels Lie portrait series, but the campaign is far from over. Expect even more from #labelslie in the near future, and join us in making this a year of Second Chances.

Join us by sharing these images, creating conversations online and donating a tweet. We would also want to hear your honest and raw stories of how #labelslie in your life.

These are the images we’ve shared during the series.  We refuse to accept them.  We refuse to use them.

Posted by Mike Foster:

Yesterday was a great day for NFL football lovers. Four great teams battled like maniacs to go to the Super Bowl.

Unfortunately, both games ended with all the attention being put on 1 players HUGE mistake.

Billy Cundiff from the Baltimore Ravens missed an easy field goal that cost the Ravens the game. Kyle Williams from the 49ers became the goat by fumbling…twice…once in overtime allowing the Giants to win the game.

It’s not fun being Billy or Kyle right now. This one hurts a lot!

Sometimes when you’re the chump their isn’t a lot you can do. Nothing you can change or take back. You’r stuck with…history. And the replays. And the ESPN commentary and trending topic on Twitter. You’re stuck with the fact that millions of people just watched you choke.

These NFL players may not be able to do much but their teammates sure can.

This was demonstrated most clearly by the San Francisco 49ers who came to the strong defense of Kyle Williams.

Tight End Delanie Walker said, “We all lost this game…We play as a team — it’s 45 of us out there. It’s not Kyle’s fault, so don’t go over there and act like it is. Cause it’s not.”

Josh Morgan, another 49ers receiver stood at Williams empty locker and told reporters:

“I’m talking for Kyle,” Morgan said. “You have any questions, ask me. He’s not talking today. I got it.”

They had Kyle’s back. When it was easy to throw the chump to the wolves, their teammates stood their ground in support…and acted like true champions.

And that’s the way grace and second chances are suppose to work.

We will reveal with the final image on Tuesday, along with the final label assembled from your responses.  Thank you again for being POTSC — we love you all!

One last image … one last label to reject!

Sometimes it’s not what we shout at our neighbors, but what we mutter under our breath at the auto mechanic.  Sometimes it’s not what we say at the dinner party, but what our children overhear on the way home.  Sometimes it’s not what we post to our Facebook, but what we forward to a few of our coworkers.

We’d like to believe that thoughts expressed privately … quietly … discretely … don’t hurt anyone.  We’re blowing off steam, having a laugh, or just stating what everyone else is too afraid to say.  Right?

Wrong.  Bigotry is a slow poison — one brewed with hate and cowardice.  It sets man against man, and seeks to make him less than man.  It’s a snake-oil cure that blames life’s complexities on a people group instead of accepting that life just sometimes isn’t fair.

January 16 — yesterday — marked the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who fought tirelessly and sacrificially to bring an end to bigotry.  44 years after his violent death, much work remains in making his dream a reality.  Discrimination continues to persist, if less in public then certainly in private, where it works its poison in secret.

But like so many other labels, those born of bigotry are a lie. So it’s time to spit out the poison and reject bigotry in all its forms.  Don’t use it; don’t accept it.

Let’s hear your thoughts below!